Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
