my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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