i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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