so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
