if i can run in heels then i can drive
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
