Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
