I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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