drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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