dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
