Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
