O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
