You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
