Kiss
Puke
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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