put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
