My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
