i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
