The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
