im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
