We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
