wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The best revenge is premature balding
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
