Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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