Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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