I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You made out with two different species that night
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
