what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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