I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
