i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
