I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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