He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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