Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
