You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
