Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
