Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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