I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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