think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
