Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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