If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
