My sheets look like a crime scene.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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