its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
