Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
