I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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