hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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