those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm getting married
To pizza
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
