so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
