Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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