The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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