I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
