Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
