You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
