The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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