I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Is Oprah even human
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
