i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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