Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
